False Advertisement
by WhereDestiniesMeet17
Summary: Shane has to be the hooker when they do prostitution stings. For the kink meme. Slight Shane/Rick Slash. Crack.


_**False Advertisement**_

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead. This is a work of fiction, written strictly for entertainment. No profit was made from this. No copy-right infringement intended.

Pairing: (Very Slight) Rick/Shane

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T?

Summary: Shane has to be the hooker when they do prostitution stings. For the kink meme. Rick/Shane. Slash. CRACK.

Author's Note: I am sad to say that this is the first humor story I've written in months. This is the first thing that I've _written_ in a month. So, before we go on, let me just thank the anon that requested this. Without them, I'd still be sitting on my ass, trying to find my muse.

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"You look strangely sexy in that getup." Rick's voice was full of static as it trickled through the ear piece Shane wore.

Shane pressed his red painted lips together, flipping his curly brown hair over his shoulder. He turned his back to the black sedan sitting down the street. It sat in just the right location that the orange street light glinted off the tinted windows. It was covered in a fine yellow powder, as if a tiny pollen bomb had gone off beside it. A parking ticked was tucked under a badly worn windshield wiper for added effect.

No one so much as glanced at the unmarked cop car.

Shane sashayed down the side walk, pulling the thin purse strap more firmly over his shoulder. He was wearing a red halter-top, which revealed a black bra, nearly over stuffed with fake breasts. A small black silk scarf was tied around his throat, barely concealing his Adam's apple.

"Are you wearing briefs under that mini-skirt, or did Sheryl convince you to wear the panties?"

Shane ignored the laughter ringing in his ear and focused his heavily shadowed eyes on man approaching him. He was, in fact, wearing the lacy undergarments that Sheryl had thrust upon him. She had claimed that it would help him tap into his inner hooker. Personally, they made him feel like a joke gone awry.

The man stopped in front of Shane, eyes fixating on the fishnet stockings and red high heels. And yes, his legs were clean shaven. Sheryl had all but dumped him in Nair. He was afraid that he would never have hair again.

"See something you like, baby?" Shane asked in his most feminine voice.

The man finally made eye contact, smiling slowly. "Yeah. How much are you charging?"

Shane pursed his lips, taking his role very seriously. "Depends. What type of party we talkin' about?"

"The kind that happens in a back of a car."

Shane kept the sultry smile on his face with effort, trying to suppress a laugh. "That's the best kind. For you…How about forty bucks?"

"That sounds manageable. My car is around the corner." The man gestured, turning to lead the way.

Shane stopped him. "Oh no, honey. Money up front. Too many boys have tried to skip out on the bill."

The man nodded, reaching for his wallet. It was as he was passing the money over that Shane decided to break it to him.

"You know, I have this special discount going on." Shane let his voice fall back to its normal pitch as he continued. "Anyone who pays me for sex gets a free ticket to the county jail."

The man froze for a second before slamming into Shane and knocking him to the ground. Then the man was bolting across the street. Shane was scrambling to his feet, barking at the man to halt. The man obviously didn't, darting out into the street, in front of an oncoming car. The driver slammed on its breaks, tires squealing. The man threw his hand out as if to stop the car, back pedaling from it. The car skidded to a halt and the man sprinted the rest of the way across the street, bursting into an alley way.

Shane rushed after him, sliding across the hood. He had half a second to register the gaping expression on the diver's face and the strange squeak of his skin against smooth metal before he accidentally taking out the hood ornament. Then he was hitting the pavement the pavement feet first and barreling after the perp. He heard the Sedan's door being flung open and Rick diving out behind him. Rick crossed the street in a flat run, only seconds behind Shane.

The driver of the car watched until they disappeared. Then he collapsed back against his seat, surrounded by quickly cooling pizzas.

"What the hell is going on?" He muttered to himself, already thinking about how he was going to tell his roommate about the incident.

Then he noticed his hood ornament was gone.

"Fuck!"

Meanwhile, the perpetrator was hurtling down a dark alleyway lined with trash. The fake hooker was only a few feet behind him, running like an Olympic gold medal winner that specialized in sprinting in high heels. It was literally the man's worse nightmare come true. All that was missing was fucking zombies.

Then the man was shooting out the alley way, running towards another street. No cars were around to delay him. He just had to get to the trees on the far side of the road, and he'd be home free. There was no way that the hooker could follow him into the woods.

Of course Shane tackled him half a second after those thoughts passed through his head, sending them both into the asphalt. Shane straddled his back, grinding his face into the ground. He gritted his teeth as the man struggled to get free, waiting for Rick to get his ass over there and help him. He had dropped his purse somewhere in the alleyway, which had his badge, gun, and handcuffs in.

Then Rick was there, snapping the cuffs around the man's writs. Shane stood, watching Rick drag the man to his feet. Shane was grinning as fixed his wig, smearing the lipstick on his lips in the process. His heart was pounding and he felt giddy with catching the asshole.

"Nice job. I can't wait to write up the report on this." Rick said, returning the smile.

"Be sure to add that I caught his ass in high heels." Shane stated.

"You got it." Rick agreed, walking past him. He paused, looking back at him. "By the way, your breasts are lopsided."

Shane glanced down and sure enough, one of them had all but fallen out. He fixed them before following Rick back to the Sedan. Neither of them listened to the perp, who was screaming something about suing them for false advertisement. Yeah, like he would win that case.

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Author's Note: Concrit welcome, reviews appreciated.

And yes, I threw Glenn in there.


End file.
